Sooo this is not about Ireland at all- this is about my Bestestttt Friend in the whole wide world. Shasta. Most of you reading this know her personally and if you don't, you have heard all our stories, and want to get to know her personally. You do not have to read this- a lot of it is a recap of our trip when she was here. I wont take it personally if this does not have many views. It is okay. And this might be the longest entry to date- forewarning you. [[this is for Shasta, it is kind of annoying and tacky and, well, it's Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, so don't listen to it]] (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csnTfdfnU5Y )
When I told her I was coming to Ireland she said with no hesitation, oh me too then! What kind of best friend does that? A year later we were in San Francisco getting on planes to come to this lil' Country.
Her San Francisco experience was a lot worse than mine. Her money was stolen, she had to run frantically around the airport trying to figure out where it all went before her plane took off. We all know how airports are, she went through security about 5 times and back again, she barely made her plane. But eventually it all worked out.
Once we arrived here in Ireland we felt a little better and had a plan, for the most part. Thanks to the Taxi driver our plans were switched. We ended up 30 minutes out of the way of where we were going and we were staying in places we didn't intend to visit initially, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.
We started realizing that the places we ended up seeing were cities and our vision of Ireland was countryside and cute pubs. We were misguided a lot while over here, and ended up having the most fun in a bar with Americans- not what we were expecting-at all. We were spending money that we did not need to spend, and had nothing to show for it. We were backtracking the country, basically paying for a bus ride and a hotel and a meal. No sightseeing was really even happening.
But eventually it all worked out.
We had a long talk about how Ireland and being out of the country did not give her the experience she wanted and that she missed being home with her family, her mama specifically because she is ahhmaZing and they go on all of their trips and such together. There was a lot of culture shock, home-sickness and frustration happening. We were in tears talking about how this has not turned out like we had hoped. Shasta- is a rock. She does not cry. This was her second time breaking down in less than 10 days thanks to the United woman that jacked her dough. (I blame her and taxi man for the frustrations and anxiety had on this trip)
So that night we sat down and planned. We looked at where we were on the map and made a plan. We found out what was financially the best route to get back to my school and what stops to see on the way. We both knew we definitely wanted to see the Cliffs of Moher- so off we went. The Cliffs were gorgeous. The bus ride there had us worried. Although we checked the weather we found the country was covered with dense fog. Once we got closer to the ocean, it cleared out, and was so gorgeous. It was the countryside we were looking for slash expected of Ireland. The cliffs were breathtaking. It was so pretty up there, and definitely the best thing we had done. We got back that night both raving about how Ireland was getting better, and now that we saw "real" Ireland, things were starting to get better. We had the next 2 days planned (one of the days I had orientation) but we were going to kiss the Blarney stone (which I have since learned that the locals pee on), we planned to see castles and gorgeous country in Southern Ireland in the next few days. It really was all working out!
We were feeling good and talking about our plans and how we should not be so negative about the country and just realize its not permanent. We stopped in for some Chinese food-partly because it would give us a sense of familiarity, but mainly because in the city everything is closed by 5 and it was the only thing open at 7pm. It was like the only place in the city that offered WiFi as well- score!
I jokingly Kik'd (its like a text message from smart phone to smart phone that I can use here for free-add the app if you have not already) her mom and said at 7:14 "The Cliffs were gorgeous...Shast might like Ireland and little bit more now, maybe." Oops. (Que something bad happening)
After a few minutes talking and ordering she received a Kik from her sis, "call me right now."
Uh oh.
Immediately I thought something happened to Skye, her dog, her Boyfriend (yes I said boyfriend :]) Mike or one of her Grandparents. I ruled out her Grandma because she would have collapsed on the floor instead of struggle to find air. That rock received the phone call that crushed her: her Grandpa died. She was in a country she hated, having a terrible time and one of her closest most loving family members had died (unexpectedly) and she was not there.
You see Shasta is not only a rock to me, but she is the strongest person I know mentally (I guess physically she is up there too!). Her mother needed her. Her Grandma needed her. Her Aunts needed her. But most of all I think she needed them. I sat there feeling helpless as I tried to find out what was being said on the phone. I waited patiently and shot rude looks at the people staring at her showing raw emotion in that little Chinese restaurant. I gave them that "realllly? take a picture, or turn around...This is real life, she does not have to act polite and keep her composure" -look.
I was trying to console her in every way. I gave her the hug her mother couldn't, I cried with her in the Chinese place, I stole all the napkins from the tables within reach to wipe her mascara, but I did not tell her everything was going to be okay. Who wants to hear that "it's alright" when you lose someone, when everyone knows at that moment, alright is not the word to best describe the situation? I felt helpless watching her and experiencing that with her.
We went through all the stages of grief together. There was the immediate shock that happened. She could not breath, immediately started bawling, holding her chest, trying to grasp what she just heard. Then there was the yelling and anger. It was not real, that could not happen because she just saw him and he was doing better than her Grandma. It was not real life, she was in Ireland, and it just could not be real.
Then we laughed, and laughed and laughed. It felt so good. We laughed because it went perfectly with the theme of the trip, and because we did not expect that to happen, it made sense. We laughed at our luck, we laughed at the "farting ketchup," we laughed at the good times, and the bad. We laughed at the ridiculous Mariah Carey throwbacks that were playing in the restaurant, that ironically were about losing someone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVAMaoIwRRQ
Well played to whomever deserves the credit for those situations. (The first song I heard after Grandma passed away was Diamond Rio's One More Day)
She called her mom. More crying. The whole time Shasta was most worried about not being there for her Grandma, her Aunts and her Mother. She lost her Grandpa and was so afraid that everything was going to fall apart because she was not there to be strong for her family. That, shows a lot of character.
Shasta attended school in Montana her first year, and her Grandpa was not doing well and she came home to be with him and her family in preparation for his death. It never happened, but shows how important and close they are for her to leave school abruptly to be there with him. It also breaks my heart that she did not have that opportunity this time- granted no one knew, as he went in his sleep- but she was not even in the same country.
Shast and I have been through deaths and broken hearts together, and we know what works for the two of us. Disney movies, cookies (or dough) and our boys, Ben and Jerry :]
We set off in search of a Dunnes (previously pronounced dunes by yours truly). Of course the locals directed us to one in the opposite direction, and by the time we found it they closed. We literally saw them closing their doors, and they would not let us buy some Ice cream. Bad customer service. We caught the next bus we saw and told him to take us to a 24 hour Dunnes. We found it he was off route but said he would be there the next time around to pick us up.
Luckily, we were in Limerick and could stay in my room. We did not however know what ingredients were in the apartment for cooking so we looked for the pre-made roll of cookie dough---Fun fact: it doesn't exist in Ireland.
We stayed up for the larger part of the night stuffing our faces with ice cream and cookie dough watching Aladdin and looking up flights. Pointing out that Shast has cried more in that week than she had in her last 10 years.
She was able to talk to everyone on the phone in the living room... Around 3 am she said she got a flight out at 9am and was going to leave at 6 to make sure she got there on time- and to allow for problems.
We got a little shut eye, woke up saw her off and just like that my Best friend was gone. My heart hurts for her and her family. Death is not fair at all, I do not understand it, I never have and I never will.
I asked my mom to do me a favor and go to the newspaper store downtown to get Shasta the "grandpa coins." I gave my Jeep Grandpa a coin it says "grandpa and me" on one side and the other reads "together is the best place to be". I wanted Mom to get a set for Shasta to put with her Grandpa and for her to keep the other one...they do not have anymore, so if anyone knows where we can find a set it would b so greatttttllyyy appreciated and mean so much!
The service will be held this Thursday. Shasta wrote her Grandpa's obituary. She also wrote a poem for the pamphlets that will be handed out and they also want her to give the opening speech at the service. Shasta, I regret not speaking at my Grandma's service at her house...You are one of the only people that live without regrets and I know you will rock it girl, don't be afraid to show emotion and vulnerability like you did in the restaurant. Everyone feels and everyone hurts...you are so strong and I admire that, and I know your family does as well. It will mean so much to your Grandpa if you give the opening speech.
I did not tell you in the Chinese place that it was alright, because it wasn't, but Shast, It.will.be.alright. It will be hard, and that is why we are here for you, your family, my family, your friends and Skye too! "...no matter how much pain we're in, there is something inside of us stronger than the pain.." You will have good days and bad days. Some days it will hit you harder then the last, but that is what Ben and Jerry are good for! I wish I was home this Thursday to be there for you, and I hate that I am not even in the same country, but I love you and your family very much and hope that everything will start to make sense, and calm down there at home for you. I am always here for you.
It will eventually all work out...
light in the glow girl!