Nothing physically, but mentally I am not even at work, my thoughts are anywhere but in the physical reality. I have been sitting here reminding myself of all of God's gifts. I even sat down and wrote a letter to a complete stranger today. My letter was (I hope) uplifting, encouraging and a simple reminder that we are meant for more. We were born to be better. www.moreloveletters.com is one of my favorite websites (besides MaxPreps.com and Pinterest.com of course) right now. If you love to write, please share. It is fun, easy and totally anonymous - which is my favorite part! If you are like me and just wish you could take your own advice in many situations but just can't-write it down. Share your advice with a total stranger, it might be exactly what they needed.
But anywaysss..back to the point of my blog....
One of the most frustrating things for me is to see how see how distracted I have become and how hostile to God I have been since leaving NC with my wants and desires. Nothing has been centered around Christ, not even really bordering Christ. [[Please don't read into to that and make assumptions that I have been living irresponsibly or living a dark life- simply take that as I have just about opened my bible long enough to wipe the dust off and only prayed when I thought the world was ending because some silly boy didn't like me anymore <-- that part you can judge me for]]. But what is more frustrating is knowing that a lot of my loved ones don't know what I know. They don't know the love of Jesus like I do. This is extremely frustrating to me, because I know I can't convince them (I shouldn't have to), but because I know what my response and my reactions were when lovers of Jesus tried convincing me with their words and mini preaching lessons- I shut them out. Turned my shoulder, and my heart, AWAY from Christ. I had my guard up and was on the defense. Guess what though, this all excites me.
Wait a minute, I just finished saying I am frustrated, so why am I excited now? Because that means I have a challenge. I have accepted the challenge from my Savior to lead by my actions. [[This will come out cliche-but I don't really care]]. I want to lead by example. I want to not have to open my mouth except to love others around me. I have failed; I speak and think ill of others. I get jealous. I get insecure. I make excuses. I allow myself to think others are greater than me and that I am not worthy. This is all wrong. It is all very easy to do, and that is why I am accepting this bold challenge. I need everyone and anyone around me to hold me accountable. I will get defensive when I am failing-I know myself- but push me harder; don't let me get lazy.
To speak of Christ will only push people further away, to shove Him down the throats of others will not get the response I want. YES, I know that some people feel "called" to share the gospel in that way; to be aggressive about it and make sure they do their part and can check that off their list. I do not want to live by lists though. I need to flip my life back around. [[again, I am not doing anything illegal, I am not out cursing at strangers and causing ruckus in town; I am not killing anyone or stealing or really doing anything "bad" except neglecting Jesus-which is the worst of all-in my book]]. I am not vowing to not speak of Christ-duh. I am a girl, and girls can't shut up when they are in love. When a girl is giddy and excited, it is an unwritten code that everyone around them better expect to get tired of hearing story after story and dissecting each detail with them. So it is bound to happen; but I want to speak of him in a way that stirs up the questions and lights the curiosity inside a witness of someone around me.
So why then am I writing about it-essentially that is the same thing as talking about it, right? This is my goal. This is my list. Physical evidence; a reference for myself and those that I spend my time with to hold me accountable to. I have never been great at retaining information (thanks Mom)- heck if I didn't blog about my time in Ireland, I feel like I would have forgotten all about the things that kept me up laughing all night, or the hilarious stories that sound like someone probably made up. So this is for me.
xoxo
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