New Blog!

Hey followers!

I have created a new blog for my posts regarding my walk with God and then I plan to get back to my "that girl" entries....figured it would be best to separate the two of them- and I recently realized how much I miss blogging and posting the comical parts of my life.

New blogs to come! A lot to catch up on.

Please search sweetlybroken12.blogspot.com for the more Christ centered posts and go ahead and follow that one, too! Don't get too excited, at this point I just copied my God posts there and will eventually remove them from this current blog. There aren't any new blog posts on that one!

Thanks!
xoxo

"Where is your God, now?"

So many people are asking, "Where is your God now?"

My God is suffering with everyone else. Suffering as he was on the cross. He loves us so much that he trusts us to make our own decisions; he gives us the chance to make decisions and show our faith. Are we given the freedoms to think on our own? Absolutely. Do a lot of us make poor choices? Every single day. And we are still surrounded by Him, even in the hardest of times?  Our God is gracious, and always here. He welcomes us with open arms, but will not MAKE anyone trust or accept his graciousness.

MY God is with those fathers and mothers that will never see their children smile and laugh. He is sitting there as they weep over the unopened gifts under the tree, giving them the only comfort that will help. Holding them up and pushing them forward when we know that they want nothing more right now then to give up and be with their children. MY God is giving them the support and hope; he is building up the friendships and loyalties they take for granted everyday.

He is loving those innocent angels and reminding them it was not their fault; they did everything right and he is sending them to watch over their parents. He is letting their memories live on. MY God is trying to fix what satan has done. MY God is relentlessly caring for those that only want to blame him for the devil's work. His relentless love and pursuit of us is what we need to focus on instead of letting the blame game take over. It is SO MUCH EASIER to make a poor decision than the right one. Temptation is so much more appealing than the promise of what is yet to come; that is apparent every single day of our lives, and on days like today when the work of the devil is getting increasingly worse (or stronger), we still try to blame the one that died for us.

Where is your God?

We are not promised tomorrow. We are not deserving of a tomorrow. We are not entitled to a tomorrow. Tomorrow is too late. If you wan't to believe in a satan and refuse to live for God today, do not blame Him tomorrow when you are left without a golden ticket. You wouldn't blame a teacher for providing you all of the tools, resources, study material and their own time to offer guidance if you failed a class...but then again maybe you would....

Gratitude

My family and I have had a lot of conversations lately. About everything. Church. Jesus. Mormonism. Christianity. Life. Faith. Tests. EVERYTHING. I love it. We recently found a church that really fits all of us I think. I am excited to see how God lives in us. How he moves us and how we grow together. Honestly, it was easy for me to "forget" Jesus and kind of put him to the back burner. I didn't want to be bold. I didn't want to take chances. I didn't want to make those around me feel uncomfortable, and in that I kind of stopped going to scripture. I stopped bowing my head and dinner and anywhere in public-eventually even when I was alone. But since having these conversations (almost daily) where Christ comes up with my family I realized that they are with me. They are learning just like I am. They are on this path with me. It has made it easier for me. But also reminded me that Jesus was not my priority. I had this made-up idea that my family was against God, against religion, against Christianity and against me - so I hid Him. I stopped. That is terrifying that it was that easy for me to do but I will grow from that. I am so thankful that we had a conversation about it as well. Christ used my Stepdad to slap me in the face (not literally) and ask me what the heck was going on. Why I was denying Jesus to myself and more importantly my family. Why I was hiding Him, and why in the world I even thought they were not on this path with me. He came to me and out of the conversation, I learned a lot; we learned a lot.

I, personally, am thankful for painful growth (that doesn't mean I am a fan of it!). I have prayed to God a lot lately. I wan't to be more like Him. I want to have patience, grace and an unending love for those I spend time with. Well, he took my thoughts and prayers literally (as he usually does) and is testing me. I discovered these last few weeks that I am terrible and have about zero tolerance, for a lot - But through my prayers and His little tests, I am aware of where I am lacking. I am aware that I have no idea how to "pick my battles" and I am thankful for these tests, because I have the opportunity to be better - to be more like Jesus. When I struggle with a personality I spend my time with or little annoyances I have to step back and realize they are nothing in comparison to what many deal with on a daily basis. Where would we be if Christ said, "these people are so annoying, get me off this cross, I changed my mind." "Father, I don't care if they know not what they do, they're obnoxious, and I am annoyed."

I have no idea how He did it, but for that He is my Savior. Obviously He was before but, now I admire Him for a different reason. I am reminded constantly of how great my God is, and that is kinda awesome to me. 

Daily, we are given opportunities (or obstacles) to be thankful for something. To learn about ourselves more and what we are here for. Why were we given life? Why do some feel superior to others? What makes me better than the next person? Why am I deserving? These are never easy questions to ask yourself,  but when you try to answer (honestly) the lesson holds so much value and importance.

Alone, I am nothing. I am sarcastic, jealous, defensive and can't take a joke. With Christ, my hope is that I can be forgiving, I can smile when I feel put down, I can freely give grace to those around me and love without holding things against people. 

A life in Christ is not easy; as a race we are sinners, but we have already been forgiven. We are already loved. I am already saved. I have received all of this and now I want to show gratitude to my God. I do not have to earn anything, I already have been given the gift; I want the rest of my life on Earth to be spent writing my "thank you" letter.

Gratitude: The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

Since yesterday, what might I be doing differently?

Nothing physically, but mentally I am not even at work, my thoughts are anywhere but in the physical reality. I have been sitting here reminding myself of all of God's gifts. I even sat down and wrote a letter to a complete stranger today. My letter was (I hope) uplifting, encouraging and a simple reminder that we are meant for more. We were born to be better.  www.moreloveletters.com is one of my favorite websites (besides MaxPreps.com and Pinterest.com of course) right now. If you love to write, please share. It is fun, easy and totally anonymous - which is my favorite part! If you are like me and just wish you could take your own advice in many situations but just can't-write it down. Share your advice with a total stranger, it might be exactly what they needed.

But anywaysss..back to the point of my blog....

One of the most frustrating things for me is to see how see how distracted I have become and how hostile to God I have been since leaving NC with my wants and desires. Nothing has been centered around Christ, not even really bordering Christ. [[Please don't read into to that and make assumptions that I have been living irresponsibly or living a dark life- simply take that as I have just about opened my bible long enough to wipe the dust off and only prayed when I thought the world was ending because some silly boy didn't like me anymore <-- that part you can judge me for]].  But what is more frustrating is knowing that a lot of my loved ones don't know what I know. They don't know the love of Jesus like I do. This is extremely frustrating to me, because I know I can't convince them (I shouldn't have to), but because I know what my response and my reactions were when lovers of Jesus tried convincing me with their words and mini preaching lessons- I shut them out. Turned my shoulder, and my heart, AWAY from Christ. I had my guard up and was on the defense. Guess what though, this all excites me.

Wait a minute, I just finished saying I am frustrated, so why am I excited now? Because that means I have a challenge. I have accepted the challenge from my Savior to lead by my actions. [[This will come out cliche-but I don't really care]]. I want to lead by example. I want to not have to open my mouth except to love others around me. I have failed; I speak and think ill of others. I get jealous. I get insecure. I make excuses. I allow myself to think others are greater than me and that I am not worthy. This is all wrong. It is all very easy to do, and that is why I am accepting this bold challenge. I need everyone and anyone around me to hold me accountable. I will get defensive when I am failing-I know myself- but push me harder; don't let me get lazy.

To speak of Christ will only push people further away, to shove Him down the throats of others will not get the response I want. YES, I know that some people feel "called" to share the gospel in that way; to be aggressive about it and make sure they do their part and can check that off their list. I do not want to live by lists though. I need to flip my life back around. [[again, I am not doing anything illegal, I am not out cursing at strangers and causing ruckus in town; I am not killing anyone or stealing or really doing anything "bad" except neglecting Jesus-which is the worst of all-in my book]]. I am not vowing to not speak of Christ-duh. I am a girl, and girls can't shut up when they are in love. When a girl is giddy and excited, it is an unwritten code that everyone around them better expect to get tired of hearing story after story and dissecting each detail with them. So it is bound to happen; but I want to speak of him in a way that stirs up the questions and lights the curiosity inside a witness of someone around me.

So why then am I writing about it-essentially that is the same thing as talking about it, right? This is my goal. This is my list. Physical evidence; a reference for myself and those that I spend my time with to hold me accountable to. I have never been great at retaining information (thanks Mom)- heck if I didn't blog about my time in Ireland, I feel like I would have forgotten all about the things that kept me up laughing all night, or the hilarious stories that sound like someone probably made up. So this is for me.


xoxo

Most powerful experience I have had

Today, I was moved by Christ more than I ever have been. My mom and I attended together and I feel as though I honestly was alone with Jesus the entire time.

I don't know if it was because I have been looking for more of God in my life lately, missing him, feeling empty and in an overall slump or what; but today was the day I was supposed to find Solid Rock Faith Center. Jesus was speaking directly to me, and I heard his message loud and clear. I was overwhelmed with tears, a rapid heart rate and shaky hands. I felt so complete and so happy. This might all sound weird and dramatic, but today was something else. I have attended different church and worship services in the last few years and have never been broken down to tears. I have never felt compelled to go to the front of the room and just sit and pray in front of the crowd with others seeking his comfort and guidance.

I was silently praying for Christ to reach my Mom. Her heart and mind were open to him today and when I looked over and saw her tears at the end of my prayer, I knew today meant more than normal. Don't get me wrong, I thought I could feel His presence at all times-honest, I do. But today was different- its almost un-explainable. I can't put a feeling into words, but for the time being I will just encourage anyone to open your heart to Christ. If you feel compelled to attend a church service, help the needy or even pray-do so. The reward is immeasurable.

I pray so that Jesus can reform me. I am not perfect. I am not a "gooder." I do not want to try to reassure myself that my goods outweigh my bads so I will have a golden ticket when I meet God. I do not need to debate and argue with anyone. I do not need to prove to anyone how great my God is; I only need to prove to Christ that I am living to fulfill His original intent- not just by being a "gooder" but by freely loving, freely forgiving, freely taking the low post, taking the blame when the fault is not mine simply for the sake of reconciliation  When I struggle, which is often, I have prayed to God (and asking you all) to remind me and bring me back to the Word, as it is the only truth.

I am praying for reconciliation  restoration and to return to Christ. I need to be renewed. It was easy at first-very easy, and I fully understand that being a child of God is not a cake walk,  but it sure is worth every struggle.

Today was an eye-opener. Like I said, I have never felt His presence like I did today. I am so happy that I found a church and a Pastor that can hit me so hard like I did today. I don't go to church to be reminded about how amazing our God is, I go to be challenged. Today I was challenged, big time.

My passion in this life

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I have always struggled with having confidence in myself. For as far back as I can remember I always second guessed myself, my decisions, the clothes I wore, how I did my hair and even what friends I chose to spend my time with. If I thought I had decided something with my own interest in mind, I immediately changed my mind if someone close to me gave me an opinion that was different than my own. Sad, huh?  Even though I always thought I had a good grasp on who I was as an individual, I was really just someone that was trying to please everyone, all the time. I was lost.

When I went to Ireland it was my goal to re-create myself. Nobody there knew who I was and that I was this second-guessing, insecure individual. There was nothing for me to re-create, but rather finally accept who I was, and stop putting others above me. Apparently I accomplished being "me" while I was there because on numerous occasions my best friends said that they wished that they had my confident, outgoing and determined personality. When I revealed to them that very few people actually know the real me and that I had been the pushover or the butt of jokes and very insecure they laughed and said no way. They simply could not fathom that I did not know who I was or what I wanted in life.

There are still only a few people that actually know the real me, and I have myself to blame for that. It has only made me realize how much more complete I am in Jesus. Before, I would feel stupid if I spoke my mind or chose to do something that might not have been the same thing that my friends or family would have done. I always looked to others to make my decisions for me because I lacked confidence in my decision-making ability. [this does not apply to big issues concerning ethics or life decisions-but silly things like what guy was cutest, or who the best band was]- I hope that a lot of that was influenced by my age as well.....

After entering into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ I have realized that those earthly things have no value. Yes, I guess they will 'kinda' matter for my next 60-70 years on earth [that’s a stretch to even write], but what value do they really hold? I am not going to stand before God and say that my favorite band was the most popular or that I crushed on the most popular/cutest guy or hung out with the 'cool girls' and therefore I deserve to be with Him for eternity...He sent his only Son to die on the cross for my sins, there is no way I can present myself, as a Christian, before Him and say that in my life on earth I 'fit in' and expect Him to say "Well, come on in Taylor! Great job, you did exactly what I created you for!"

I realized that in order to truly be myself, I must be faithful to God- all day, every day. I must remain firm in my faith until I personally meet Him. When I say must remain firm, it sounds as if it is a rule I MUST follow...instead I want you to read that as me wanting to remain firm in my faith. I want to be obedient, I want to glorify God, and I want to reflect what Christ is- not to make myself look good- but to make Him look great. I am realizing that every waking moment I have I want to devote to Christ. Obviously, for me right now that means that I want to know Him more. I am reading every extra second I get. I read scripture, books, multiple apps, random tweets and blogs; I listen to podcasts online and find that I have to stop myself so that I can start some homework or do laundry and even eat. This is not to brag and say “look what I am doing- go me.”  But I am saying “go God!” He is making me feel so alive, and I cannot get enough.

This, I am choosing to do- on my own. Well, the Holy Spirit is within me and is giving me this passion and is leading me closer to God every minute. I am confident in my decisions to do this, even if someone was to tell me that they don't think it is a good idea. I am confident in my faith and having faith is being confident in God. Even when things are not going exactly how I want them to be going, He gave me this life and is having me do things to delight in Him and fully display His glory. Everything that is happening is to live out His plan for me in this world.

This is not always easy or obvious to me as to why I am not given things that I desire, but my faith tells me that it is the right thing and that I must be patient to find out why. I trust in His plan; He supplies strength through faith in His promises. I know that He wants me to be happy; therefore I must seek happiness in Him and not in my own selfish wants. My confidence is in God or who I am in Christ, and not in my fleshy self. He has given me this life, and I owe it to Him to live it how He has planned. I have received the gift of life, who would I be if I selfishly lived it for myself without ever thanking Him and trying to repay Him? Not a true Christian.

I recently read a book titled Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper, and it really smacked me in the face in terms of how I have been living for 21 years. I was never fully alive, or aware of my existence. I have been going through the motions, living day to day doing generally the same things each day but with no purpose or gratitude really. Piper says that a wasted life is a life without a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples. I had no passion before. Yes I enjoy raising animals and playing volleyball but I did not wake up thinking of these hobbies and read non-stop about them. I did not feel volleyball was determining every decision I made. I did not do things to glorify the game of volleyball. It was a hobby, I felt very interested in and enjoyed spending my time doing, but I would not go as far as saying that it was a passion. I can only say that because I have a real passion now. I desire that my life will count for something great, I want to have eternal significance; I want to make knowing and enjoying God the passionate pursuit of my life. His value is far greater than anything in this life.

In Piper's book he writes about taking risks in life. A lot of people are afraid of taking risks, obviously, they are risky- but when you trust in God, risk is right. When you take risks for the sake of His name, He gives us the strength to lose face because He promises to lift up face in the end. When we take risks for sake of Christ, it reflects His value and our faith in His care and His care for us is greater than our value. I mentioned above that I was always trying to please people and 'fit in', I want to please God. He has given me life and whatever He wills, I will do. I will take faith-filled risks, even if that goes against everything I always have tried to do, even if that means I will not 'fit in'.

Piper asks great questions in his book that I hope to ask myself in every action or decision I make... How will this help me treasure Christ more? How will this help me know Christ or display Christ? How can I portray God as glorious in this action? I am pretty sure I will feel silly if I am stressing over what to wear and ask myself these questions...to quote Rascal Flatts "There are things that matter, and things that don't."

I do not want to waste my life anymore; I have been given new life. I have been united with Christ through faith and I do not want disappoint my Creator. I don't want to stop halfway through, but it is going to take great faith and courage to finish; but I will do things confidently and remain confident after I do them, for confidence is faith, and my faith is in Him. I am going to be bold, and not feel condemned, for those who suffer from condemnation usually don’t believe they hear from God (Joyce Meyer). Everyone makes mistakes (I am not silly enough to think I won’t make mistakes), insecure people won't try again, but bold people will try until they learn to do it right.

God's righteousness has been provided for us, there is no need to feel self-righteous-for none of us will ever be perfect.

<3

Something to think about...

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do? I do this on a daily basis and it wasn't until recently that I became aware of how often I actually think about why things happen one way instead of another…

Have you ever hoped for something to happen and it did (positive or negative), and you chalked it up to a coincidence? What about the next time it happened...Still just random?

Our mind is a powerful thing...
What do you allow your mind to focus on? How often do you day-dream? Where do your thoughts wander? How do you react in certain situations? Do you think about your reactions, or are they immediate?

These are all interesting questions to ask ourselves, and I am going to assume that you have rarely ever let yourself think about what you think about, and why you think about it. [go ahead, read that again, slowly…] I sure didn't - until recently.
It is important to take an inventory of our thoughts...seriously though. Think about that. We take inventory at work; why not take inventory in our personal lives to see what we have that we shouldn’t, and what we are missing.
Take the time this week to inventory your thoughts.

Write your discoveries down so that you don't forget what you have allowed into your mind.
At the end of this week evaluate your thoughts...are you proud? What do you recognize- any patterns? What thoughts stand out or consume most of your time/thoughts? How do you react- is there a direct parallel between your thoughts and your reactions? Most importantly, are your thoughts mostly positive or negative?
An honest inventory of your thoughts will help you to understand why you are not receiving what you desire. Maybe your thoughts are not focused on what you truly desire, but on the exact opposite…
It is very important to know what you allow yourself to focus on.

“Faith is evidence of things hoped for but not seen”
Growing up I constantly heard people saying “I must see it to believe it”…when actually I think “We must believe in order to see.”

If you think that you must see it in order to believe, but your thoughts are driven by a negative force majority of the time, you may miss what you were looking for in the first place---But if you have belief in the good and glorious, you are going to see things that reflect that.

In order to receive anything- you must first believe… and we all believe in something- whether you buy into that or not- and we can receive from Satan or we can receive from God. Don’t open your mind for negative thoughts to move into. You have two choices - you can believe in the bad/negative, or you can believe in the good/positive…What’s it going to be?

I am challenging you to start believing in good things. It doesn’t cost you anything, and you will notice a huge difference in how you see the world, and how people may see you. What can you gain by living with a negative mindset?

When we believe something we receive it into our heart-I know that I want my heart to be filled with pure, good and glorious things. I do not want my heart to be filled with deception, lies and hatred. Our hearts are precious and should be protected from negative and evil things.

Jeep Gramma asked me yesterday, “Well, why do bad things happen to good people, Tay?” That depends on who you are letting define what makes a “good person.” Your definition of a good person may vary drastically from God’s definition.

Try to remember that there is a plan for each of us. Each time we encounter a problem or are being tested, there is a lesson to be learned…try to find out the significance and grow as an individual as a result. Keep your mind positive….

<3